"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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