"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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