"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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