"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What did one flower say to the other flower?

Hey, bud!
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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