"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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