"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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