"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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