"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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