"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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