"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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