"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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