"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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