"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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What is Donald Trump telling all his supporters?


Orange Is The New Black.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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