"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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A seal walks into a club...
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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