"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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