"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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