"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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