"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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