"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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