"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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