"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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