"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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