"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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