"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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