"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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