"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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