"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Well, first let's talk about the concept behind this whole "light bulb" thing.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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