"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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Ah, I had a great boomerang joke...

It'll come back to me.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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