"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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