"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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