"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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