"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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