"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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