"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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