"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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