"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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Why did the banana split?

It saw the ginger snap.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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