"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.

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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.

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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.

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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.

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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.

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