"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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