"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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Why did the girl throw the butter out the window?

She wanted to see a butterfly.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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