"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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