My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.

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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."

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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.

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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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