My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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