My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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Why did the girl throw the butter out the window?

She wanted to see a butterfly.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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