My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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