My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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