My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only three. The rest are true stories.
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