My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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