My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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