My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.

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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.

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