My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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