My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What do you call a chicken in the 1960's?

A funky chicken.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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