My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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