My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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