My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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