My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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