My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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