My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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