My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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