My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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