My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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