My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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