My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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