My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)

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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g

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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.

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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.

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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.

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