My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink

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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.

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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.

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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet

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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.

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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.

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