My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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