My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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