My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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