My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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