My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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