My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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