My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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