My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

``Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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