My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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