My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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