My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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