My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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