My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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