My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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