My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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