My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.

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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.

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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.

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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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