My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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