My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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