My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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