My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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