My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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