My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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