My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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