My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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