My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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