My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Why did the girl throw the butter out the window?

She wanted to see a butterfly.
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why did Bach have so many children?

He did not have a stop on his organ.

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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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