My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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