My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.

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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?

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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth

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