My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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