My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore

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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.

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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.

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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.

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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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