My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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A seal walks into a club...
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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How many dadaists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

To get to the other side.
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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