"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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