"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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