"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

"Many hands make light work."
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