"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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Where is a rabbit's favorite place to eat?

Ihop
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.

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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark

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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.

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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish

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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze

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