"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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