Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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