Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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