Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Well, first let's talk about the concept behind this whole "light bulb" thing.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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