Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What would you call a humorous knee?

Fun-ny!
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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