Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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