Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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