Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What clothes does a house wear?

Address.
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How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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