Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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