Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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