Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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