Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

About one third less than for a regular bulb.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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