Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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