Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Why did they kick cinderella off the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball.
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