Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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