Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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