Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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