Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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