Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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What is Donald Trump telling all his supporters?


Orange Is The New Black.
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