Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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