Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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