Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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