Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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