Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What is an astronauts favorite key on the keyboard?

The space bar!
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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