Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

"Many hands make light work."
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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