Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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