Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.

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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.

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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.

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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.

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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.

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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks

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