Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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