Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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