Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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