Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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