Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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Why did a boy thow a clock out the window?

To see time fly.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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