Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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