Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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