Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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