Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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