Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?

Kitty Perry

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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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