Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

About one third less than for a regular bulb.
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