Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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