Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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