Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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