Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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