Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!

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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.

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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.

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How many board meetings does it take to get a light bulb changed?

This topic was resumed from last week's discussion, but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week. Meanwhile . . .

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