Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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