Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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