Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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