Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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