Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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