Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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