Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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