Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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