Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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