Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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