Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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Were does a boat go when it is sick?

To the dock.
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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