Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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