Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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