Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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How many radical feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That isn't funny!
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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