Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.

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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.

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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.

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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.

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