Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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