Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.

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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.

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Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.

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