Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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