Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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