Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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