Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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