Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Ah, I had a great boomerang joke...

It'll come back to me.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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