Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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