Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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