Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.

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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.

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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.

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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".

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