Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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