PMS jokes are not funny...

[Period]
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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