PMS jokes are not funny...

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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.

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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.

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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.

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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.

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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.

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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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