PMS jokes are not funny...

[Period]
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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