Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.

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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.

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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.

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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.

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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.

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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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