Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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