Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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