Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
What did Delaware?

Her New Jersey.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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