Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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