Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.

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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop

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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.

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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.

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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"

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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.

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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.

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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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