Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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