Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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