Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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