Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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