Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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