Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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