Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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