Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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