Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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