Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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