Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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