Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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