Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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