Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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