Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy

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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!

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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.

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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops

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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!

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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.

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