Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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