Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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