Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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