Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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