Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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