Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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