Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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The oddly pleasant feeling of looking down on a physist as they drink the last of their beer.

The strange charm of a top down bottoms up.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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