Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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