Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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