Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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