Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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