Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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Which search engine is popular amongst mice?

Ask Cheese.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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