Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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What clothes does a house wear?

Address.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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