Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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