Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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