Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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