Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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