Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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