Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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Why would Snow White make a great judge?

She was the fairest in the land.
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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