Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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