Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What clothes does a house wear?

Address.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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