Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.

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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel

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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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What is Donald Trump telling all his supporters?


Orange Is The New Black.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What has a head but no body?

A nail.

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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit

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Which search engine is popular amongst mice?

Ask Cheese.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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