Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.

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