Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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