Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
What did Delaware?

Her New Jersey.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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