Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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