Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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