Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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