Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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