Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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