Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What did Delaware?

A New Jersey.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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