Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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