Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.

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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.

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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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