Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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