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Slept like a log last night........
Woke up in the fireplace.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.
I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?
Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?
Because it's two tired!
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?
coz Donald ducked
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?
Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?
To get his quarterback.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?
A hush puppy.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?
Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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What type of cars do elves drive?
Toy-otas.
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