Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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