Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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