Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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