Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!

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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy

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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.

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