Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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