Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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What did Cinderella say to the photographer?

Some day my prints will come.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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