Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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