Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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