Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only three. The rest are true stories.
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