Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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