Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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