Woke up in the fireplace.
or
You crack me up!
or
I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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2 years old.
Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
or
It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
or