So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?

Stinker Bell.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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