So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.

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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.

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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends

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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth

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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos

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