So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.

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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel

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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.

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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.

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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.

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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!

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