So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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How can you get four suits for a dollar?


Buy a deck of cards.
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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