So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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