So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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How many orgy attenders does it take to change a lightbulb?

As many as possible, and don't *ask* what they do with the old bulb.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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