So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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