So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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