So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What does cheese like to drink?

Morbier
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