So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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