So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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