So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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