So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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