So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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