So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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