So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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