So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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