So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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