So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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