So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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