So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What would you call a humorous knee?

Fun-ny!
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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