So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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