So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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