So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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