So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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