So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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Why did the banana split?

It saw the ginger snap.
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There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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