So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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