So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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