So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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