So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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