So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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