So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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