So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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