So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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