So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?

It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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