So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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How can you get four suits for a dollar?


Buy a deck of cards.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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