So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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