So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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