So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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