So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.

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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".

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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.

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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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