So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".

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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.

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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!

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