So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".

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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle

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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.

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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".

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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.

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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.

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How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.

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