So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".

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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.

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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish

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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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