So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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