So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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