So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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