So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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