So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What is Donald Trump telling all his supporters?


Orange Is The New Black.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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