So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What did Delaware?

A New Jersey.
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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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