So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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