So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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