So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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