So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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