So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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