So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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