So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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Were does a boat go when it is sick?

To the dock.
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