So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?

Kitty Perry

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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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