So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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