So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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