So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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What did one flower say to the other flower?

Hey, bud!
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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