So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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