Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.

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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.

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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.

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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!

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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"

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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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