Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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