Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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