Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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