Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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