Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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