Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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