Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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