That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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