That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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PMS jokes are not funny...

[Period]
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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