That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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