That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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