The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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