The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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