The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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