The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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