The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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What do you call a chicken in the 1960's?

A funky chicken.
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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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