The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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