The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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