The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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