The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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