The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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What do bees do with their honey?

They cell it.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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