The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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