The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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