The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What would you call a humorous knee?

Fun-ny!
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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