The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?

Stinker Bell.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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