The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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