The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car

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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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