The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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