The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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