The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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