The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."

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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card

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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.

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