The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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