The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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