The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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