The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.

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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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