The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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