The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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