The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That's not funny!!!
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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