The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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