The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
What did Delaware?

Her New Jersey.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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