The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.

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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.

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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan

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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."

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