The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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