The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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