The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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