The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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