The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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