The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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