The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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