The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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