The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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