The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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