The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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The oddly pleasant feeling of looking down on a physist as they drink the last of their beer.

The strange charm of a top down bottoms up.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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