The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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