The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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