The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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