The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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