The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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