The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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