The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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Why did they kick cinderella off the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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