The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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