The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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