The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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