The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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A seal walks into a club...
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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