The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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