The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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