There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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