There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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