There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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