There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!

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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.

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How can you get four suits for a dollar?


Buy a deck of cards.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.

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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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