There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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