There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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