There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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