There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili

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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).


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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet

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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.

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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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