There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison

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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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