There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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What clothes does a house wear?

Address.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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