There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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