There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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