There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

``Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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