There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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