There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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