There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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