There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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How many BBS jokers does it take to tell yet another LBJ?

1,622. One to tell the original joke, and the rest to submit give some minor variation of it! For example:
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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