There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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