There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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