There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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