There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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