There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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