There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What did one flower say to the other flower?

Hey, bud!
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