There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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