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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?
It wasn't raining!
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?
Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.
But that's just nuts
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?
Camembert.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?
To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?
Santa paws!!!
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?
Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?
A pair of Re-Bachs.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?
2 years old.
Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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