There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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