There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
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