There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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