There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish

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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!

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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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