There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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