There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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