There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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