There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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