There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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The oddly pleasant feeling of looking down on a physist as they drink the last of their beer.

The strange charm of a top down bottoms up.
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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