There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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