There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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