There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only three. The rest are true stories.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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