There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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