There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose?

His powder puff is on the wrong end.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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