There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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