There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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