There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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