There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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