There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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