There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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