There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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