There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What did Tennessee?

The same thing Arkansas.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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Where is a rabbit's favorite place to eat?

Ihop
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