There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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