There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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