There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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