There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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