There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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