There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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