There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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