There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.

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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.

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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.

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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.

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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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