There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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