There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!

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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink

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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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