There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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What is Donald Trump telling all his supporters?


Orange Is The New Black.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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