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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.
The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?
"Would you like fries with that?"
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.
But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?
Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What did one cow say to the other?
Mooooooove over
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What is the best time to go to the dentist?
Tooth-hurty.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?
Because it goes good with chips.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two tired.
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