There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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