There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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