There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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