There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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