They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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Why would Snow White make a great judge?

She was the fairest in the land.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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