They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."

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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark

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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.

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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.

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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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