They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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