They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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