They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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