They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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