This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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