This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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