This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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