This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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