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This graveyard looks overcrowded.
People must be dying to get in there.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?
A chili dog on a bun.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?
With flood lighting.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?
Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What do you call a sad bird?
A bluebird!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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Where do cars go for a swim?
At the carpool!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.
It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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