Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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