Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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