Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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