Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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