Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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