Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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