Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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