Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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