Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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