Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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