Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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