Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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