Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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