Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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