Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?

Kitty Perry

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