Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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