Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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