Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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PMS jokes are not funny...

[Period]
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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