Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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