Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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