Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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