Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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