Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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