Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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