Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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Name four men that are in a rock group together but none of them sing nor play music...

Mt Rushmore. They're a rock group.. it's a rock...group
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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