Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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