Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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