Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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