Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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