Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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