Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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