Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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