Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.

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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos

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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark

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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.

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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.

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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.

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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!

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