Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?

Kitty Perry

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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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