Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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