Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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