Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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