Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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