Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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