Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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