Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That's not funny!!!
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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