Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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