Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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