Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!

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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.

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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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