Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
Canvas not available.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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