Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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