Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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