Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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