Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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