Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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