Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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