Were does a boat go when it is sick?

To the dock.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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