Were does a boat go when it is sick?

To the dock.
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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