What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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