What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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