What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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