What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.
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