What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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