What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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