What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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