What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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