What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why is b always cool?

Because it's between ac.
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