What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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