What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.

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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.

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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."

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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.

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