What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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