What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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