What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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