What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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