What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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