What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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