What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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