What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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