What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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