What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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How can you get four suits for a dollar?


Buy a deck of cards.
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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