They make used car salesmen look good.
or
Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
or
In a barking lot.
or
Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
or
A tyrannosauraus wreck
or
A cr-oak tree.
or
Because you can see right through them!
or
A milkshake
or
Take away his shovel
or
I've lost three days already.
or