What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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Why did a boy thow a clock out the window?

To see time fly.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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