What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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