What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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