What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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