What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards

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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!

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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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