What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How can you get four suits for a dollar?


Buy a deck of cards.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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