What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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