What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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