What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.

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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".

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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.

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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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