What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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