What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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