What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.

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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.

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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.

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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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