What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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The stormtrooper was enjoying the Wookie steak,

but it was a little Chewie.
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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How many Cabbage Patch dolls does it take to change a light bulb?

The question is irrelevant, since you couldn't find the dolls even if you knew how many. (Note: Well, this was a good joke in 1983-84. . . .)
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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