What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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The new band called 1023MB.

They haven't had any gigs yet
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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