What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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