What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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