What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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