What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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