What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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