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What are lawyers good for?
They make used car salesmen look good.
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What do Russians use for napkins?
Soviets
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?
A chili dog on a bun.
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What is Donald Trump telling all his supporters?
Orange Is The New Black.
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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?
A scale.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
You Poke her face.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?
You're the only bright spot in my life.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?
Because there was no atmosphere.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?
Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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