What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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