What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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