What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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A seal walks into a club...
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