What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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