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What are lawyers good for?
They make used car salesmen look good.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?
So he could grade his eggs.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?
Pupperoni.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?
Barium
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What's round and bad-tempered?
A vicious circle.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!
You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?
Because he never pays his debts.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?
Porkchop
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Why did the lamb cross the road?
To get to the baaaaarber shop
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