What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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