What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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