What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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