What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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