What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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