What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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