What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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