What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?

Stinker Bell.
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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