What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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