What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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