What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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