What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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