What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

"Many hands make light work."
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What is a boxer's favorite drink?

Punch.
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