What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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