What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?

Stinker Bell.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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