What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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