What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What makes music on your hair?

A head band!

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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