What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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What did one flower say to the other flower?

Hey, bud!
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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