What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What do bees do with their honey?

They cell it.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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