What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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