What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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