What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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