What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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