What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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