What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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The new band called 1023MB.

They haven't had any gigs yet
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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