What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What did Delaware?

A New Jersey.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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