What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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