What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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