What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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The oddly pleasant feeling of looking down on a physist as they drink the last of their beer.

The strange charm of a top down bottoms up.
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