What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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