What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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