What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.

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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.

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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.

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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.

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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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