What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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