What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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