What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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