What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Were does a boat go when it is sick?

To the dock.
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