What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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