What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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What do you call a chicken in the 1960's?

A funky chicken.
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