What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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