What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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