What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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