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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?
Stick his bill up his ass.
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?
With a Tuba glue.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?
No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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Can you say Richard and Robert had a rabbit without using the "r" sound?
Sure, Dick and Bob had a bunny!
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?
It wasn't raining!
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How do you make a rock float?
Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??
None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.
But that's just nuts
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What do you get when you plant a frog?
A cr-oak tree.
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