What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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