What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

"Many hands make light work."
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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