What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What clothes does a house wear?

Address.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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