What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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