What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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