What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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