What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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