What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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