What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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