What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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What is Donald Trump telling all his supporters?


Orange Is The New Black.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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