What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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What makes music on your hair?

A head band!

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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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