What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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