What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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