What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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