What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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