What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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Can you say Richard and Robert had a rabbit without using the "r" sound?

Sure, Dick and Bob had a bunny!
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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