What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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