What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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