What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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