What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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