What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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