What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.

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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky

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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.

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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.

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