What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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