What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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