What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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