What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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