What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How many board meetings does it take to get a light bulb changed?

This topic was resumed from last week's discussion, but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week. Meanwhile . . .
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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