What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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