What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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