What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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