What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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