What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.

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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.

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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood

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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.


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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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