What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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