What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Can you say Richard and Robert had a rabbit without using the "r" sound?

Sure, Dick and Bob had a bunny!
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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