What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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