What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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Why is slippery ice like music?

If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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