What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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