What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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