What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.

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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.

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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.

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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.

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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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