What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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