What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Well, first let's talk about the concept behind this whole "light bulb" thing.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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