What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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