What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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