What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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