What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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