What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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