What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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