What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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