What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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