What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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