What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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