What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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