What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.

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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.

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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck

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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!

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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.

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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.

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