What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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