What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?

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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.

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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.

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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.

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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.

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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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