What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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