What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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