What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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