What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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