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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?
Virgin mobile.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?
To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What is an astronauts favorite key on the keyboard?
The space bar!
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.
When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What is green and pecks on trees?
Woody the Wood Pickle.
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?
Make America Hate Again.
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What do you call a sad bird?
A bluebird!
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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How is a dog like a telephone?
It has a collar I.D.
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.
He had in his own pews.
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