What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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