What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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