What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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