What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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What do bees do with their honey?

They cell it.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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