What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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