What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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