What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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