What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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