What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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