What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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