What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Can you say Richard and Robert had a rabbit without using the "r" sound?

Sure, Dick and Bob had a bunny!
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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