What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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