What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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