What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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