What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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