What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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