What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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