What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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